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This year, did you make a number of interesting contacts while networking to find a job? Did you meet people who gave you job leads or forwarded your resume? Are you wondering how you are going to keep those connections warm? Is your challenge that you don’t have a really good reason to reconnect? Actually you do! The holiday season offers your best opportunity to touch base, and the best way to do it is the old-fashioned way. Send a handwritten holiday card. Really? In this day of e-cards, tweets, writing on someone’s wall or firing off an e-mail, why send a so-last-century greeting card by snail mail? It’s simple. Most people don’t send cards. Stand out.
CUSTOM CARDS
Sending cards may take time and money, but it’s worth doing and anything worth doing is worth doing well. Instead of an off-the-shelf card, create your own custom card and then take the time to write a personal note. Custom card sites like www.moo.com make it easy to create your own card. The beauty of a custom card is that you can add your own contact information. If custom cards aren’t the way to go for you, send cards that support your favorite charity. Make sure you include your business card with the holiday card.
WHAT TO WRITE
If the person receiving the cards knows you well, send a heartfelt handwritten greeting. If the connection isn’t close, think back to how they may have helped you, how you met, or something that happened between you (a good thing!). For example, if someone gave you a job lead give him or her a brief update. Do not use a holiday greeting to do ‘a pitch’. If he or she gave you some advice, thank them again for their kindness.
While this may seem counter-intuitive, think back to those folks who did not hire you, but who you spent time with during interviews. Mostly likely the interviewer gave you some advice and you can thank them for that. They may simply have been very gracious and you can thank them for that experience! Things change and sending a card puts you back on their radar.
If you are thinking of sending a card to someone who was an interesting contact, make sure it not too ‘random’. Was there some kind of real interchange? If you met the CEO of a company, but did nothing more than exchange cards, then a holiday card is not appropriate. Use your own good judgment.
THINK PEACE & GOODWILL, NOT JINGLE BELLS
Some of the people on your card list may celebrate other holidays such as Hanukkah, or may not celebrate at this time of year. Keep your card design and message themed around peace, celebrating and reconnecting during this special season of goodwill.
DIG DEEP
Once you have sent cards out to the people who have been instrumental in your job search, go through your database, stacks of business cards, old address books and emails and create a secondary list. Send as many holiday cards as you can afford to send. While going through this list of contacts, make a note of those folks you might want to contact in the New Year. Send a personalized message in your holiday card, and don’t use a holiday card to request help for your job search. Instead, diarize their name and plan to contact them after the holidays. The card you send may be the ‘positive energy’ that makes them more open to talking to you.
ONE MORE TIME THROUGH YOUR DATA BASE
Look at your database one more time and decide who really needs a call or a kind note from you. It may have nothing to do with finding a job; it may simply be about reaching out to people you’ve lost touch with over the years. Remember, the power of a network is that it is always on, even if it’s humming at a very low frequency. Fire it up this season!
Gayle Hallgren-Rezac is Vice-President of Marketing for the Shepa Learning Company, a training and development company. She is co-author of Work The Pond! Use the Power of Positive Networking to Leap Forward in Work and Life (Prentice Hall, 2005) with Darcy Rezac and Judy Thomson, available at Amazon.ca.
Darcy Rezac is Managing Director & Chief Engagement Officer, The Vancouver Board of Trade and Chief Executive, The Rix Center for Corporate Citizenship & Engaged Leadership. Visit The Pond at www.workthepond.com to sign up for a free weekly Positive Networking® tip.
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Our columns at BC Jobs focus on using networking to get a job or put you on the right trajectory for your career path. But recent research published in the prestigious journal Biologist found that the number of hours per day humans interact has fallen by two thirds in recent decades, from 6 hours in 1987 to 2 hours in 2007. Walt Kelly’s famous quote,”We Have Met The Enemy and He Is Us” seems very appropriate. We are addicted to our devices, our ‘CrackBerries’, iPhones and multifunction cell phones. The result is we are all walking around in these weird personal bubbles. Yes, we are making more face-to-screen connections, but fewer face-to-face.
You could argue that “I can talk to more people, have shorter messages and do it 24/7 around the world with face-to-screen contact.” But here’s what happens, we move through the world in a bubble, tuned out to the people around us. A typical example is how people travel from point A to B. They leave their house, get in a cab and get on their cell phone. They get to the airport and check in. Most times there’s never a real conversation—unless it is WestJet. As they walk through the airport they have their phone glued to their ear. Once on the aircraft, they nod to the person next to them and open their laptop and never say another word. They get off the plane, travel through the airport phone attached to ear and into a cab, texting. The first time they really say anything to anyone is when they are at their destination. This process could have taken 12 to 18 hours and never once was real contact made with another human being. Pretty amazing.
A woman starts up a conversation with her seatmate and subsequently she is asked to join the board of directors of her seatmate’s company. A few years later she becomes chair of this company—a large multinational pipeline. Would it have happened if she hadn’t started that conversation? No.
A woman is standing in line at one of the ubiquitous airport Tim Hortons coffee shops. She steps on the foot of the guy behind her. She feels bad and wants to buy his coffee for him. Fast forward: they are now married.
So best advice: become more aware of The Bubble. Pop it more often and see what happens when you engage another person in conversation. Keep one other thought in the back of your mind and it’s that once to engage another person you have just connected with their network. Imagine the potential! A recent article on “How to Make Your Own Luck” by Ben Sherwood describes the exponential potential this way: “A typical person knows about 300 people on a first-name basis. So if you go to a party and meet someone new, he explains, you’re “only two handshakes away from 300 times 300 people; that’s 90,000 new possibilities for a new opportunity, just by saying hello.”
Pop it!
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Do you think the only people who will read this article are going to be a handful of people who get anxious networking? Well, here’s a news flash, 80% of the people we survey prior to teaching a workshop on Positive Networking® tell us they don’t like networking—they really don’t like networking! So, you are reading this with a very large group of people.
Networking nervosus, our term for this behaviour, spans a spectrum ranging from mild anxiety and nervousness when faced with a new networking situation, to—more seriously—a phobic avoidance of the activity. Psychologist Jennifer Newman observes that networking nervosus is the common reaction when people have to interact with strangers. It is “some level of social anxiety which is often heightened by the setting. Lots of strangers, a large crowd, noise and unfamiliar surroundings tend to increase anxiety.” This fear of interpersonal interaction is often rooted in a fear of rejection or being negatively judged. Can you relate?
Cures for Networking Nervosus
There is good news for people grappling with networking nervosus. Fear associated with social anxiety and social phobia can be overcome. Psychological research shows that the skills required to become engaged and to succeed in the networking arena are learned skills.
Focus on the Other Person
Positive Networking® focuses on discovering what we can do for others, with no direct expectation of anything in return. This style of networking assumes that all contacts are important and everyone should be treated equally, with dignity and respect. Whereas transactional networking is most often associated with referrals and sales, positive networking® focuses on relationships. It is based on building and maintaining trust and the relationships that flow from it.
In her practice, Dr. Newman suggests that we shift the focus off ourselves and onto others. That way we concentrate on what we can do for others by being empathic—stuffing ourselves in the other person’s shoes and showing we care. When engaging someone in conversation, be one hundred percent focused on what they have are saying. Asking questions is the easiest way to keep the conversation going, and asking good questions is simple. All you have to do is care about the answer. So that means being an empathetic listener.
Shut down the Obnoxious Roommate
Arianna Huffington calls that annoying voice in your head, the Obnoxious Roommate. You know that person Arianna is talking about, the one who is talking to you while you are trying to carry on a conversation. “I bet they don’t find you interesting.” “I get the feeling they don’t want to talk to you.” “They want to talk to someone more important.” Let’s be blunt, tell the Obnoxious Roommate to shut up. And since we all know, we are the Obnoxious Roommate, the key is to avoid self-denigrating comments and harping on our own shortcomings.
Combat self-criticism
Dr. Newman suggests rephrasing negative thoughts. Replace thoughts like, “Everyone thinks I’m foolish” with “I wonder what this person is interested in?” Better messages to your inner self are, “I am here for a reason.” “I have something to contribute.” “They may be feeling uncomfortable too.” “What can I do to make this more pleasant and enjoyable for them?” “So, what’s the worst that can happen?” You will not be struck by lightning and the floor will open up, so it’s all good!
Prior to an event, instead of worrying about what bad things could happen, visualize on coping well with the upcoming networking situation. Imagine walking into the room confidently, really enjoying yourself, meeting some interesting people and making others feel better simply by having met you. Yes, people can catch your positive emotional virus. It’s not some ‘New Age’ kind of thing, it is based on science and the research is fascinating. To learn more, read Building positive energy – Using mirror neurons for successful networking and Daniel Goleman’s book Social Intelligence.
Find tools to help
Seek out training or counseling and find a mentor. Slaying the networking stress dragon can include obtaining training in social etiquette, counseling and perhaps joining Toastmasters
. Some people have used drama classes to boost their confidence and skill level. An excellent book for those with all kinds of social anxiety is Living Fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety: A Comprehensive Guide to Gaining Social Confidence by Erika B. Hilliard.
Don’t go it alone
We call them tag teammates, someone who goes to a networking event with you. It’s the best Rx for networking nervosus. A mentor or partner who circulates the networking pond with you can help ease the tension. But the goal is to be able to walk into a room solo and say to yourself, “Let me at ‘em!” With practice, and some good tools you can do it.
Gayle Hallgren-Rezac is Vice-President of Marketing for the Shepa Learning Company, a training and development company. She is co-author of Work The Pond! Use the Power of Positive Networking to Leap Forward in Work and Life (Prentice Hall, 2005) with Darcy Rezac and Judy Thomson, available at Amazon.ca.
Darcy Rezac is Managing Director & Chief Engagement Officer, The Vancouver Board of Trade and Chief Executive, The Rix Center for Corporate Citizenship & Engaged Leadership. Visit The Pond at www.workthepond.com to sign up for a free weekly Positive Networking® tip.
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Do you know the Verizon ads with that mass of people standing behind a single customer? It’s similar to the huge network that stands behind each of us, and everyone we meet. It symbolizes opportunity, but we often ask ourselves it is really worth going up and talking to that person we don’t know? Should I really make that call, it’s been so long since we talked? What could really happen if I talked to that other soccer parent at the field on Sunday?
When looking for a job it can often seem pretty lonely, and after being at it for some time you may feel that you have tapped out all your opportunities. But, there is science that proves that we are more connected than we think. It shows that in less than six connections we can be connected to anyone in the world. Does that open up opportunities? You bet!
Here’s how we explain the science in Work the Pond!:
Using mathematical graph theory, Cornell mathematicians Duncan Watts and Steve Strogatz began searching for an answer to the small-worlds phenomenon and here is what they found. If you look at social networks, for example, it is safe to assume that everyone has a network of contacts. For simplicity, assume that everyone has a network of fifty contacts—friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Assume that each of these contacts has their own network of fifty people, and so on. Now imagine that all of these people are connected to each other, like a huge fishnet cast around the world, until all six billion people are connected. It would take sixty million connections or handshakes to make contact with someone halfway around the world. OK, so that’s not six degrees.
Now, for every ten thousand people in that six billion in the world, introduce just two additional random connections—or shortcuts—between any two people.
This is where the power of a small world gets spooky and the magic begins
With this addition of only two random shortcuts per ten thousand people, it now takes only eight handshakes to meet someone halfway around the world. Not eight million—eight, period. Add a third random shortcut, and the handshakes drop to five!
So imagine the opportunities that might open up for you if you step out of your comfort zone, and engage a new person in a conversation. For example we meet someone in a line up at Tim Hortons, at a networking event or on the sidelines while watching your kid play soccer, and they introduce you to their direct connection, their wife. She has a random link to someone in Singapore, who then introduces you to his brother, who has the perfect job for you back at their Canada subsidiary. So when you think, naw…why bother talking to that person, remember that Verizon image and the science of six degrees.
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Effective networking may seem like old hat, but chances are that you could benefit from a refresher. In our training seminars on Positive Networking®, we get attendees to rate their skills at the beginning of the course. We recently worked with a group who rated themselves extremely high. They liked networking, and, trust me, that’s not normal! And they felt they had pretty good networking skills. So after our half-day boot camp, they went off to a luncheon speaker event. They had an opportunity to network at the reception and then during the lunch. After the luncheon we debriefed and they were full of new and fresh ideas.Here are some uncommon common sense reminders:
Effective networking basics
Help others
We all want to practice Positive Networking but sometimes we revert back to “sales mode”. This is transactional networking which is all about “what can the people I meet do for me; how can they help me?” Positive Networking is a different philosophy; it’s discovering what you can do for someone else. It’s not so much about closing a sale, as opening a relationship. It works and it takes all the pressure is off.
Bring business cards
Take business cards with you and give them out. While this hardly seems like a secret, it is! Half the people we meet don’t have business cards with them. And if they do bring them, they don’t give them out. We encouraged our team to give out their cards when they first met someone. And, if they weren’t given one in return, they asked for one. It was easy and it worked.
Add value
Add value to every event you attend. “I didn’t meet anyone worthwhile” is a common networking lament. The question to ask is, “What did those people gain from meeting me?” Stay focused when talking to others. Ask good questions and smile. Your smile is your most effective networking asset. Never leave home without it.
Bring a friend
Taking a tag teammate is a really smart idea. As I mentioned, this group we were training was very savvy, but we sent them to the event with a tag teammate. They found it much easier to circulate with “back up”. They met more people and seemed to enjoy “working the pond” together.
They loved the idea of walking around and introducing themselves to everyone at their table before the lunch. They felt confident exchanging business cards and then put those cards on the table next to where they were sitting. It helped them bring people across the table into the conversation. They could address them by name and also had some ideas regarding conversation topics.
Look for eye colour
Our team loved the idea of focusing on the other person with this simple technique: finding out the colour of the other person’s eyes. The feedback we received was that our team members felt that they listened better and made a more meaningful connection.
Everyone was tuned in to opportunities to connect people. It’s great to be able to say, “I just met someone who I think you should meet; let me introduce you.” So turn on your Connector Radar and keep it turned on because connecting doesn’t stop when the event ends.
Best advice? Go to an event and try out these really simple ideas for more enjoyable and effective networking.
Related to effective networking
• Effective networking; developing this essential skill
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]]>The Globe and Mail newspaper recently interviewed Tamara Vrooman, a top Canadian business leader. At forty Tamara Vrooman is the CEO of Vancity, Canada’s largest credit union with $14.1 billion in assets. Tamara took on this role in September 2007 after leaving a stellar career as Deputy minister of finance with the government of British Columbia.
In The Globe and Mail article Tamara is asked about the start of her career in the Finance Ministry. She said that when she went to apply for a very junior job as an analyst the feedback she got from the directors was this: “’Great interview, good writing, good analysis, good references, great grades – but history? We’re worried you can’t add.”
Tamara thought process was, “I was always good at math at school. I just didn’t pursue it officially because it was not my main interest at the time.” What’s key about Tamara’s reaction was that rather than taking these comments defensively, or as a defeat, she took action. (https://swatlyoga.com) “So I enrolled in a Master’s in public administration, and took every Master’s-level economics, statistics, and accounting course I could get my hands on. I came back with my A-plus transcript in hand, and said, ‘Okay, now what’s your excuse?’”
Obviously, she got the job. The lesson here is that when going for interviews really listen to the comments you receive, and not as criticism but as coaching. Perhaps there is a weak spot in your skill-set, or maybe the interviewer has seen something that you don’t see. If you take this information ‘under consideration’ you might end shoring up your career chances. Go get the knowledge and experience that you need and then revisit the opportunity.
And in these difficult times when finding a job may be more challenging than ever before, perhaps this is the opportunity for you to waterproof your career boat. If there are leaks in your ship, plug them now
Is it difficult? Yes. Is it impossible? No. Your parents might actually welcome you back–they are tired of watching Wheel of Fortune together! Or perhaps you need to make a decision to get the degree or courses you need by doing it on a part time basis so that you can support yourself through the process. But it is the perfect time, because when the economy heats up you will want to be the best that you can be.
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Holiday season networking can help you overcome reservations you have about reaching out. One of the top questions audiences ask is, “How do I follow up with someone I haven’t spoken with in quite a while?” When you are looking for a job this becomes even more anxiety inducing — “They’ll think I am contacting them because I want something from them. (buy Diazepam) ” Well, you’re in luck. The upcoming holiday season is a great time to touch base with no agenda. You don’t need a reason; the season is the reason!
In some cases, a small investment is required for holiday season networking, but there is no better time to of the year to reestablish your connections, even your weak links. Here are some ways to reconnect with people over the holiday season:
Pump Up Your Card List
Send as many holiday cards as you can afford. Go through your database, stack of business cards, old address books and emails. Include a handwritten greeting to every person and don’t forget to give him or her a way to reconnect with you. Include a business card or a personal card. Go to www.moo.com and make up some very cool cards. Do it now as it takes a couple of weeks to have them shipped to you.
Show Up!
Go to all the events you are invited to this holiday season even if you don’t want to. Take the case of Marilyn, a caterer. She didn’t feel like going solo to a holiday party but she remembered the concept of The 100% Guarantee — do nothing and you’ve got a 100 percent guarantee that nothing will happen. So she bit the bullet, put a few business cards in her purse and called a cab. Two months later she ended up as celebrity chef on television. How did that happen? Marilyn met someone at that party, and, because she had a card, that person was able to contact her.
The Buddy System
If the idea of all this networking gives you hives, take a tag teammate to events. If the invite says bring a guest, do so! If the invitation doesn’t, ask the host if you can bring a guest.
A Time to Expand Your Network
Go to events in your community where you will have an opportunity to meet new people. Expand the depth, breadth and reach of your network. The good thing is that over the holidays a lot of these events — even those for professional groups — are purely social and fun. This is also a perfect time to volunteer to help out the less fortunate. You will meet amazing people.
No Coal from the Man in Red
Network in a way that makes a memorable impression on others. Practice Positive Networking®, it’s not all about you; it’s discovering what you can do for others. And, remember, if you are feeling nervous, our research shows that most of the people in the room — 80 percent — feel exactly like you. Make it a practice to always rescue wallflowers. That way there’ll be no lump of coal in your stocking!
Avoid Multi-Tasking
The juggling act of canapés-wine-handshake is too much multi-tasking for most of us. Think how liberated you’ll feel if you go to an event and can circulate with your hands free. Save the rum balls and shortbread cookie raid for your visit to the relatives.
No Host Party
This will not cost you any money but it’s a great way to reconnect with ex-work colleagues, alumni and friends. Organize a holiday get together. Find a restaurant with a private dining room and book a table for about sixteen people—you want some critical mass. The restaurant will do a set menu. Make sure they include the tip in that price. Send out an invite and let each invitee know the cost per person. Your job is simply to act as the connector.
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One dark night in 1972, the pilots of Eastern Airlines flight 401 inbound to Miami noticed an undercarriage warning light. All three pilots became distracted, focusing only on the warning light. Was it really a problem with the nose wheel or was it a faulty light bulb? All three became task-fixated on the problem and no one was flying the airplane. Flight 401 slowly descended into the Everglades swamp, killing 101 people. Darcy Rezac, co-author of WORK THE POND! and managing director of the Vancouver Board of Trade, tells this story to illustrate how a crisis can distract us from our flight path. We are in one of those situations right now, and unfortunately, there’s more than one warning light flashing in the cockpit!
Good pilots, including “life pilots”, recognize that tunnel vision, focusing on that one light bulb flashing, can be lethal. Pilots are taught that there are two other elements to making it safely on to the runway. One is situational awareness, which is asking the following questions:
• Where am I?
• Where am I going?
• How’s the weather ahead?
• How much fuel to do I have?
• Do I have an alternative, somewhere else to go if the mission becomes too dangerous?
With your career, it’s the same:
• Where I am in my career right now, with bad weather ahead, should I stay put?
• If I am out in the job market right now, what skills do I have to offer?
• What industries are still hiring (and yes, there are some that still have too much work)?
• Is this the time I should be going back to school?
Challenging times calls for heightened vigilance of threats and opportunities, but it’s also a time to stay calm and keep our wits about us.
This is the second task, which is to continue to fly the airplane. This means those day-to-day experiences are not overwhelmed by a crisis. This is the time we have to be “right on our game.” We need to exude confidence. Our very best skills, our highest competencies must be in play. And we must not “hunker down” or go underground. (www.srmfre.com) We must stay connected by maintaining our networks and we ought not be shy about asking for help. Leadership guru Ram Charan, in an article entitled “Managing your business in a downturn” (February 2008, Fortune) underscores this point. He says, “When you’re down, don’t just sit there, talk to people, inside and outside”.
Budget Tip: Work The Pond!, which has been described as the “connector’s handbook” is available at a 27 percent discount on www.amazon.ca.
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Job fair preparation becomes key around this time of year, as career fair season moves into full swing. If you Google “job fairs” or “career fairs” in BC and Alberta, you’ll see that there are any number of opportunities to get out and meet potential employers this fall. Continue your Googling and you’ll find numerous sites with extensive information on how to prepare for a job fair. Also, do a quick scan of all the valuable articles on this website. So what can I tell you to make your job fair more successful? Work on first impressions and answering “The Question”.
First impressions at job fairs
Do you know if you have good eye contact when you first meet someone? Many people do not make eye contact when they first meet. They may tentatively look at you, but then their eyes dart away. Recently, I was doing a networking training session with a group of forty sales professionals. I walked around the room before the event, shook hands and introduced myself. Later, when doing my presentation, I mentioned that some of them, without naming names, had very poor eye contact when we met. They seemed shocked. There was a nervous hum in the room and they wondered, “Was it me?”
Make eye contact at job fairs
How can you make sure that’s not you? Be aware that, when you meet someone, you are making eye contact and maintaining that contact as you converse. What is the best way to do this? Hold eye contact long enough to know the color of the other person’s eyes.
What’s the other benefit of maintaining eye contact? It actually helps you concentrate on the conversation you are having with that person. Remember, it will be noisy and there will be numerous distractions at a job fair, but if you give that potential employer 100 percent of your attention, you will impress them. Please read my article on Mirror Neurons for additional helpful social interaction skills.
Answering The Question.
Come prepared to answer “The Question”. It may come at you a few different ways: “Tell me a little about yourself.” “What kind of experience do you have?” “Why are you interested in working for us?” “What are your career plans. (https://miedemaproduce.com ” To answer any and all of these questions concisely and with positive impact, write out your answers as part of your preparation.
Prepare a job fair pitch
Start with a Twitter-size answer (140 characters) to get the core message across and then develop it from there. Ask yourself: “What can I say to define myself as different from someone who wants this same job?” Look at what you have written and ask yourself, “Would I really say this?” If it’s full of jargon, sounds weird or unnatural, then rewrite your answer until you feel comfortable. This is the most worthwhile investment you’ll make prior to walking into a job fair.
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Make an impact – an unforgettable one! Sounds good, but how do you make an impact—one that stands out? We know people are so swamped they simply scan emails, delete the names of people they don’t recognize and focus only on the people they know. As a result, you have to make yourself memorable.
It’s important to have a strategy to build your name and reputation in the community; it’s not enough to wait for it to happen. Ask yourself, how have other people in your community built a remarkable reputation? These folks are your role models.
There’s a new opportunity and it’s building your online brand. Have a website if you are looking for work. Take a look at your Facebook pages and other social networks. Can your potential employer access any of this information? If so, what kind of impression do you make on these sites? What does your Linked In and Plaxo information look like?
Being linked in through social networks is important, but look at other ways to make an impact. Face-to-face is the best way to make an impression. As Mark Burnett of Survivor fame, and one of the most successful producers in Hollywood says, “Face-to-face is the real currency.” Burnett started out in Hollywood as a nanny—seriously!
You only get one chance to make a first impression so make it a good one. Having the confidence to walk up to people and start a conversation only comes from practice. To deal with the anxiety and become skilled at all-important presentation skills think about joining Toastmasters. And, I apologize if this sounds self-serving, but read Work the Pond!: Use the Power of Positive Networking to Leap Forward in Work and Life (amazon.ca) It is full of tried-and-true techniques to learn how to walk into a room full of people you don’t know, engage anyone in conversation and always make a memorable impression.
While going to business and social events in your community helps build your personal brand, it’s not just enough to be a spectator. Brand building gets really effective when you get involved. Volunteering is a great idea. By taking a leadership role as a volunteer you can make a huge impact. This could be in a charity or with a business or industry association. Be politically engaged or add your voice to good causes.
If you are on a job search and you don’t have a business card that you feel has impact, then consider a card that gets attention. Go to this web site www.moo.com. Why not order mini cards with a mini cardholder? They are unique. We love this site and their products. They are based in the UK but they print and mail anywhere.
Finally, take the advice of George Washington, “associate yourself with men and women of good quality if you esteem your own reputation.”
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