By Gayle Hallgren-Rezac and Darcy Rezac<\/p>\n
![\"Dealing_with_Networking_Nervosus\"](\"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/08\/Dealing_with_Networking_Nervosus.jpg\")
Do you think the only people who will read this article are going to be a handful of people who get anxious networking?\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s a news flash, 80% of the people we survey prior to teaching a workshop on Positive Networking\u00ae tell us they don\u2019t like networking\u2014they really don\u2019t like networking!\u00a0 So, you are reading this with a very large group of people.<\/p>\n
Networking nervosus, our term for this behaviour, spans a spectrum ranging from mild anxiety and nervousness when faced with a new networking situation, to\u2014more seriously\u2014a phobic avoidance of the activity. Psychologist Jennifer Newman observes that networking nervosus is the common reaction when people have to interact with strangers. It is \u201csome level of social anxiety which is often heightened by the setting.\u00a0 Lots of strangers, a large crowd, noise and unfamiliar surroundings tend to increase anxiety.\u201d\u00a0 This fear of interpersonal interaction is often rooted in a fear of rejection or being negatively judged. Can you relate?<\/p>\n
Cures for Networking Nervosus<\/strong> Focus on the Other Person<\/strong> In her practice, Dr. Newman suggests that we shift the focus off ourselves and onto others. That way we concentrate on what we can do for others by being empathic\u2014stuffing ourselves in the other person\u2019s shoes and showing we care.\u00a0 When engaging someone in conversation, be one hundred percent focused on what they have are saying. Asking questions is the easiest way to keep the conversation going, and asking good questions is simple. All you have to do is care about the answer.\u00a0 So that means being an empathetic listener.<\/p>\n Shut down the Obnoxious Roommate<\/strong> Combat self-criticism <\/strong> Prior to an event, instead of worrying about what bad things could happen, visualize on coping well with the upcoming networking situation.\u00a0 Imagine walking into the room confidently, really enjoying yourself, meeting some interesting people and making others feel better simply by having met you. Yes, people can catch your positive emotional virus. It\u2019s not some \u2018New Age\u2019 kind of thing, it is based on science and the research is fascinating. To learn more, read Building positive energy – Using mirror neurons for successful networking<\/a> and Daniel Goleman\u2019s book Social Intelligence<\/a>.<\/p>\n Find tools to help<\/strong> Don\u2019t go it alone<\/strong> Gayle Hallgren-Rezac is Vice-President of Marketing for the Shepa Learning Company, a training and development company. She is co-author of Work The Pond! Use the Power of Positive Networking to Leap Forward in Work and Life (Prentice Hall, 2005) with Darcy Rezac and Judy Thomson, available at Amazon.ca. Related to Networking Nervosus:<\/strong><\/p>\n Do you think the only people who will read this article are going to be a handful of people who get anxious networking? Well, here\u0092s a news flash, 80% of the people we survey prior to teaching a workshop on Positive Networking\u00ae tell us they don\u0092t like networking\u0097they really don\u0092t like networking!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=184"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6964,"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184\/revisions\/6964"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nThere is good news for people grappling with networking nervosus. Fear associated with social anxiety and social phobia can be overcome. Psychological research shows that the skills required to become engaged and to succeed in the networking arena are learned skills.<\/p>\n
\nPositive Networking\u00ae<\/a>\u00a0 focuses on discovering what we can do for others, with no direct expectation of anything in return. This style of networking assumes that all contacts are important and everyone should be treated equally, with dignity and respect. Whereas transactional networking is most often associated with referrals and sales, positive networking\u00ae focuses on relationships. It is based on building and maintaining trust and the relationships that flow from it.<\/p>\n
\nArianna Huffington calls that annoying voice in your head, the Obnoxious Roommate. You know that person Arianna is talking about, the one who is talking to you while you are trying to carry on a conversation. \u201cI bet they don\u2019t find you interesting.\u201d \u201cI get the feeling they don\u2019t want to talk to you.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThey want to talk to someone more important.\u201d\u00a0 Let\u2019s be blunt, tell the Obnoxious Roommate to shut up. And since we all know, we are the Obnoxious Roommate, the key is to avoid self-denigrating comments and harping on our own shortcomings.<\/p>\n
\nDr. Newman suggests rephrasing negative thoughts. Replace thoughts like, \u201cEveryone thinks I\u2019m foolish\u201d with \u201cI wonder what this person is interested in?\u201d\u00a0 Better messages to your inner self are, \u201cI am here for a reason.\u201d \u201cI have something to contribute.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThey may be feeling uncomfortable too.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat can I do to make this more pleasant and enjoyable for them?\u201d \u201cSo, what\u2019s the worst that can happen?\u201d You will not be struck by lightning and the floor will open up, so it\u2019s all good!<\/p>\n
\nSeek out training or counseling and find a mentor. Slaying the networking stress dragon can include obtaining training in social etiquette, counseling and perhaps joining Toastmasters<\/a>\u2122. Some people have used drama classes to boost their confidence and skill level. An excellent book for those with all kinds of social anxiety is Living Fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety: A Comprehensive Guide to Gaining Social Confidence by Erika B. Hilliard.<\/a><\/p>\n
\nWe call them tag teammates, someone who goes to a networking event with you.\u00a0 It\u2019s the best Rx for networking nervosus.\u00a0 A mentor or partner who circulates the networking pond with you can help ease the tension. But the goal is to be able to walk into a room solo and say to yourself, \u201cLet me at \u2018em!\u201d\u00a0 With practice, and some good tools you can do it.<\/p>\n
\nDarcy Rezac is Managing Director & Chief Engagement Officer, The Vancouver Board of Trade and Chief Executive, The Rix Center for Corporate Citizenship & Engaged Leadership. Visit The Pond at www.workthepond.com<\/a> to sign up for a free weekly Positive Networking\u00ae tip.<\/p>\n\n