![\"Bullying](\"https:\/\/www.bcjobs.ca\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Bullying-at-Work-300x225.jpg\")
We hear a lot about bullying these days. Much of it concerns bullying at school, but this disturbing activity doesn\u2019t stop once we leave high school \u2013 it can happen in the workplace as well.<\/p>\nWe hear a lot about bullying these days. Much of it concerns bullying at school, but this disturbing activity doesn\u2019t stop once we leave high school \u2013 it can happen in the workplace as well.<\/p>\n
It helps to define what bullying is and what it is not. It is not a one-time only clash, it is not a character conflict, and it is not a case of simple disagreements.<\/p>\n
Bullying is far more sinister. It leads to more than making an effort to avoid someone; it leads to a serious impact on the victim\u2019s emotional and physical health.\u00a0 Bullying is persistent and spiteful; prolonged and purposeful. The bullying behaviour cannot be explained with logic. It cannot be dealt with through avoidance. The more you attempt to adjust your behaviour, blame yourself, or doubt your own perceptions, the more power you give the perpetrator \u2013 the harder you make it to shake this person\u2019s jaw that seems clamped in your hind side.<\/p>\n
Bullies do their dirty work when there are no witnesses, and are deceptive to the max. Clever liars, they deny with utmost conviction anything their victim asserts.\u00a0 And their \u201ccredibility\u201d fosters your own self-doubt. A vicious cycle begins.<\/p>\n
Bullying infringes on your human rights and attempts to attack your dignity. Such abuse can lead to the victim suffering from depression and even post-traumatic stress syndrome.<\/p>\n
The victim may find it difficult to find allies, quite simply because colleagues, at a deep level where they themselves would rather not admit to, are afraid of the bully and wish to spare themselves the same fate. Others, because they don\u2019t understand the level of conniving, secrecy, and maliciousness, \u201cpooh-pooh\u201d the experience, suggesting that it\u2019s all in the victim\u2019s imagination or somehow the victim\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n
What then, can a victim, typically the quintessential \u201cnice\u201d person, do?<\/p>\n
What is the bully\u2019s purpose? Usually it is to control, to hide his or her incompetence, or to project incompetence onto someone else. Most of us wouldn\u2019t begin to torture a colleague in this way, but bullies are not normal, average, or collegial colleagues. Experts agree: you are dealing with a sociopath or disordered personality, making it critical that you fight back by documenting their actions, and assert your rights by involving management.<\/p>\n
Bullies are opportunists: they look for an easy victim. Don\u2019t be one. Learn to stand tall, breathe deeply, make good and sustained eye contact, keep your voice in control, and refrain from responding to the bully\u2019s bait.<\/p>\n
(I had a recent client who was being bullied, and when the co-worked said, \u201cYou\u2019re lucky you weren\u2019t in front of me because I would have slapped you,\u201d she said nothing at all in a concerted effort to not provoke this woman, but knew she would take this conversation directly to her boss, which she did.)<\/p>\n
Oftentimes the victim is the first to leave. Management takes no action, and after a year of suffering, it\u2019s time to leave. See this not as a failure, but as a positive step, as one in which you will grow your career in a better direction.<\/p>\n